


haven't had a dream in a long time

by clairitee



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Genre: Character Study, Other, Star Wars: The Force Awakens - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29025144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clairitee/pseuds/clairitee
Summary: a very short character study (or something?) about rey that i wrote last summer and kind of abandoned. might finish it one day who knows!!!!!!! figured i'd at least post it somewhere though
Kudos: 1





	haven't had a dream in a long time

She knows the sand. 

She knows the way it shifts under her weight as she trudges through the desert, the way it rubs on her feet from the inside of her boots, the way it stings against her skin when the winds pick up, the taste of it in her mouth, the grit underneath her fingernails that won’t go away.

She knows the desert that stretches for miles and miles, stretches farther than she can see, past the horizon where its image becomes warped from the heat that seeps out of the ground. The endless ocean of sand that covers the planet, that swallows ships, swallows cruisers and speeders and pilots and scavengers, that covers up the scars of a war waged across the galaxy. The sand is indifferent to war.

She knows the sun.

She knows the harsh light that envelops her in the daytime, the blinding beacon from the sky that forces her to be seen. She knows the feeling of filling her lungs with hot, dry air that almost chokes her, almost drowns her, and the feeling of pushing it back out again. The dry sting in her throat, in her mouth, in her nose.  
She knows the way the heat seeps through her skin and into her bones and drags her down, pushes her into the earth until she feels like she’s melting. She knows the stinging redness that the sun marks her with, the tightness of burnt skin that never has a chance to heal.

She knows the way her skin cools when the sun finally dips below the horizon. The way her body doesn’t feel like it’s on fire in the dark, her breath isn’t painful, her eyes don’t sting. The feeling of not being seen, for a while.

She knows how to wait.

It’s one of the only things she’s really good at, she thinks. 

\-------

It didn’t take long to forget her father’s face. She remembers a large figure, looming over her, haloed by the sun. Face lost to the shadows. She remembers big arms around her, carrying her, the feeling of a low voice rumbling through her body as he held her close. A deep, shaking laughter. But no face.

It took longer to forget her mother’s. She hadn’t even realized she’d forgotten until it wasn’t there anymore. There was an outline, a blur, soft features and a kind smile but nothing concrete. Not a face, but an idea of one. She spent an entire night curled in bed just trying to remember her mother until her head hurt, until there were tears streaming down her cheeks. But once it had left, her mother’s face never came back.  
But she remembers her hair. Three buns in a row down the back of her head. She still wears her hair that way, the way her mother wore it, the way her mother taught her. Just in case. So that when they come back, they know it’s her. How else would they recognize her? It’s been so long.

She doesn’t really know how long. Not exactly. She keeps a tally of days on her wall, scratching another line in the rusted metal each night when she drags herself to her makeshift home, tired and aching. But she doesn’t know how many days it’s been. The lines all blur together, become one big mass of days, months, years. It’s overwhelming in a way that makes her chest hurt, so she doesn’t bother counting. 

\------

**Author's Note:**

> me? a lesbian? relating to and projecting on to rey????? more likely than you think
> 
> anyways if you liked this pls let me know...... ;-; i need validation to motivate me to write more lmao


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